Writing

I’ve been here 100 times before, yet, this place, is suddenly new. An alternate reality to the one I once knew. A mirroring. A copy. Alien to me. As I walk through the most familiar roads, up and up steps, between buildings, I look up and I feel incredibly small. I am mostly alone on my walk. It’s mostly void of human noise. Some people do pass by here and there. And for each individual that does, I feel them more obviously existing with me. Their presence is huge. I see them. They see me. I never looked much before.

I am hyper aware now, it felt safer in a crowd. You can be invisible and move as one tiny part of a much larger body of people. The city feels gigantic. Did I feel this way as a child? It’s the only thing I can equate it to.

The Artists are out - Billboards on the back of a bicycle. Someone is walking, camera in hand, documenting. Across the park, someone is still, leant against a tree, meditating. I sit here, writing, and I make a sound recording on my phone. I can hear so many birds. A very slight hum of traffic in the background. Some truanting teen voices echo. Each voice sounding 100 times as loud.

I am reminded of the world in “The Magicians Nephew” Desolate buildings, from a previous time, long forgotten. And nature gradually winding and weaving it’s way into the cracks. Tress grow from roofs and roots envelop roads. I feel as thought this could be the way it started.

I am so far from my ordinary days. But only one short bus ride in reality. Yet, the monotony, mundanity of staying home, one local walk for an hour each day. This, feels like a holiday. I’m sure I’m breaking a rule. The bus still says ‘essential travel only’. Is a project I set myself to ‘go on a bus, find and buy a coffee, sit and see what I make’, essential travel? Depends on who you ask.

Today it feels essential to me. I forgot I could even do this. I had forgotten how it felt to just get up and go. To be alone. To stand up straight. Not bent over, holding small hands or leant forward pushing a pushchair. No one is asking anything from me. No interruptions. No one knows I’m even here and I am anonymous to those who can see me. I could be anyone right now.